TYLER VALENTINE – aged 1 year

My name is Tyler valentine, I’m one year old today,
Mum tells me I should lay and rest, but I’m off out to play.
There’s stitches in my tummy, a bandage on my knee,
Why does my mummy worry? They do not bother me!

They stopped me having puppies, they took my womb from me,
But I still have my playpen, wait till I am three!
My life was made for mischief, with naughtiness thrown in,
If I find something that’s no use, I throw it in the bin!

These humans leave things lying around, I put these things away,
Some are dragged out to the lawn, until I’ve time to play!
I didn’t like the wall paper, I pulled it off the walls!
And then I practice looking cute whenever mummy calls!

It wasn’t me it was the cat, that messed on all the floors.
It wasn’t me who taught the cat to open all the doors!
I’m good at looking innocent, I sit there looking cute,
The lawn looks like a bomb site, my life is one big hoot!

My mum & daddy laugh at me, but Buddy often groans,
“Tyler would you please behave, and leave my bed alone!
And when my mummy goes to bed, I lay and plot & plan,
What shall I do tomorrow, to amuse my old man?

I don’t have time to lie and sleep, there’s jobs that must be done,
Tomorrow mum will mop the floor, oh boy that’s always fun,
I leave my muddy footprints splattered on the floor,
My paw prints are my autograph, who could ask for more?

I take the washing out for mum & put it out to dry,
Mum rushes out to fetch it back, oh well, at least I try!
I must not miss the postman, his job is very hard,
I cannot wait for him to come and bring me birthday cards,

Lots and lots of envelopes for me to chew and shred,
And when he hands the post to me he gently strokes my head,
He tells me I’m a terror, but oh so very cute
I just wish he would slow down, so I can chew his boots!

Tammy puss comes strolling in, looking for her dinner,
No one knows I steal her food, it seems I’m on a winner!
Coz I can reach the table, where Tammy’s dinner’s served,
Survival of the fittest, that’s one lesson I learned,

My feet are on the table, where they should not be,
Well how was I supposed to know the food was not for me?
Life is full of opportunities, now I’m off for a bath,
Make the most of everyday, I hope I make you laugh!!

Written by Pauline Bradbury (2014)